| Blistering Barnacles! |
[Sep. 15th, 2006|03:28 am] |
I belong to the old school: I don't swear. Don't let my userpic mislead you. I may have a permanent scowl on my face, but I rarely use an epithet. I wonder how many of my friends and acquaintances have heard me utter even a mild oath.
Even something as automatic as "shit" never comes naturally (figuratively speaking), and "damn" needs extreme provocation. Rather strange for someone who first heard the word f*ck when he was ten years old and figured out what it meant almost intuitively.
In those days, middle-class children seldom got to hear any profanity at all, even in urban, English-speaking families. But it's not that we led particularly sheltered lives. We just didn't have television.
( Go on, click on the effing link ) |
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| The BT Brand of Journalism |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|12:57 pm] |
The errata column in newspapers and magazines can be entertaining. But the most inane of these has got to be the coy little "Oops" column in the unabashedly sensationalistic Bombay Times, which tries hard to give the impression that its editors are a bunch of apologetic perfectionists — and fails miserably.
Here are some examples of the Brave New Face of Journalism That Readily Acknowledges Mistakes:
In the Popkorn Poll, "Skillful Shweta" (BT, Aug 22, page 3), skillful has been wrongly spelt as skilful. The error is regretted.
All dictionaries accept both variants; skillful is more common in American English, and that's about it. Skilful is actually preferable since BT follows British usage. (What exactly BT follows is anybody's guess. Numerology, perhaps?)
In the article "Sophie to play an item girl" (BT, Aug 29, page 10), the actor's surname was misspelt as Choudhary when it should have been Choudry. The error is regretted.
Fair enough. But what about this:
In the item "Sharon paints the town black and white" (BT, Aug 29, page 5), Poonam Bijlani has been wrongly identified as Rima S. The error is regretted.
I'd never have guessed. But wait, there's more:
In the article "I think it's my stupid sense of humour that clicks" (BT, Sep 4, page 2), Tanaaz Lall has been spelt as Tanaaz Laal. The error is regretted.
They way celebrities keep changing the way they spell their names has become an epidemic — and not just in Bollywood. How can the poor overworked editors be expected to keep track of all the Suneils and Karienas and Rosshans and Irrrfans and Jhonny-come-latelys out there? Something's gotta give.
Think name changes are silly? How about a sex change?
In the article "I won't go nuts if I'm not in the news" (BT, Aug 29, page 1), Manisha Koirala has been spelt as Manish Koirala in one place. The error is regretted.
Maybe she grew some nuts instead?
In the Astro column (BT, Aug 31, page 4), there is a full stop missing at the end of the prediction for the zodiacs sign Taurus. The error is regretted.
Wow — what a whopper of a gaffe. Good you spotted it in time, BT, or this error of Taurean proportions might have gotten me seven years of bad luck. But what on earth is a "zodiacs sign"?
In the article, "Is politics taking a back seat for Govinda?" (BT, Aug 31, page 2), a semicolon has been used instead of a comma in the pull-quote. The error is regretted.
Such perfectionism! I decided to check out the Govinda article, and found that the semicolon was used in place of an apostrophe (not a comma). Clearly the BT editor doesn't know the difference. An error in an error acknowledgement? Remarkable.
( And the most brilliant of them all... ) |
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| By Golly, it's a Rum Deal! |
[Aug. 12th, 2006|02:30 am] |
 
Who's genuine? The original Enid Blyton (left) or Mumbai Mirror's dead ringer (right)?
Once upon a time there was a writer called Enid Blyton. In an era devoid of attractions such as Fickleodeon and Craptoon Network, all children could do on the weekends was read. And Blyton, despite her limited vocabulary and dated Briticisms, quickly found a place in our hearts. Talk to ten middle-aged Indians who are proud of their English, and eight would admit they grew up reading Blyton.
( Then came the age of political correctness. ) |
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| The politics of friending and unfriending (Part I) |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|06:14 am] |
I looked at my LJ profile page the other day and saw that my ‘friends’ list has 110 names, while my ‘friend of’ list has topped 100 (105, to be precise). I also noticed that a few people had added me whom I’d forgotten to add back, so after that was set right, I now have 114 friends. But numbers aren’t everything, right? Yeah, right.
( What your friending pattern reveals ) |
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| How NOT to pick up women — or men |
[Jan. 24th, 2006|06:44 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | chat | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | |
| | Cham Chacha - Love in Singapore | ] |
Many years ago, I chose what I thought was a perfectly innocuous username for Yahoo chat (my name spelt in reverse), but soon realised that sounding vaguely asexual is no defence against the A/S/L brigade. Having nothing better to do, and tiring of memes, I decided to see how long it would take three ardent young men to get the message, without being expressly told to take a hike.
( Conversations over the past week... ) |
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| Why I don't update |
[May. 16th, 2005|11:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
Top Ten Reasons Why I Don't Update My Journal
10. I haven't read a book or seen a new movie in months.
9. Most music sounds like noise, and I don't have a single MP3 on my PC.
8. I dislike memes, especially the kind that go "What Color of Vomit Are You?"
7. My love life is considerably less exciting than the Pope's.
6. I never have conflicts or showdowns with my boss or colleagues.
5. I consider gossip either pointless or malicious, so nobody shares any with me.
4. Linking to weird news headlines doesn't seem so cool anymore.
3. I'm unable to come up with any satisfactorily mystifying one-liners.
2. I can't write poetry — good, bad or indifferent — to save my life.
1. It's easier to leave a smartass comment than to make a journal entry. |
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| Hole-in-one |
[Oct. 9th, 2004|12:25 am] |
 
Talk about brain drain...
Update: We have competition, and it isn't even from China! |
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| Meeting! |
[Sep. 24th, 2004|11:09 am] |
Attention ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) jayasankarvs, veenven, patrodz, charlesj, itsjoy, pratibha75, deelight, radhika74
How about catching up at my place this Saturday or Sunday around 7 pm to bid farewell to old pal jayasankarvs? We can take a poll on who's free and who's not, and decide accordingly. Details on how to reach the venue will be posted soon, as soon as we agree on the date.
PS: There's a big bottle of vanilla-flavoured Smirnoff and half a bottle of Old Monk, plus a liquor shop around the corner, so drinks shouldn't be a problem. Purists BYOB. Menu will be strictly non-vegetarian, unless someone requests otherwise. |
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| All at sea |
[Jul. 2nd, 2004|03:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
This is depressing. I'm supposed to be working in the Bombay office, but I've been in Delhi three weeks out of four in the last month. I hope this doesn't mean I'll eventually be shunted to Delhi. But unfortunately there's more work there — I've not had much to do in my home territory so far.
On the other hand, the view's good. I can look out of the window all day.
   |
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| Back to work |
[Jun. 7th, 2004|07:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
These guys are efficient. It's only my first day at work (officially), and they've given me a notebook already. At my last job I had to hang around for a week before I was given a computer... and a 486 at that.
I haven't found out what the company policy is regarding internet access, but the IT guy who came around to set things up helpfully informed me that anything's okay, so long as it's not p0rn.
So, what better way to kick off the new job than with a long-overdue LJ post? |
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| Bridging the Gap |
[Mar. 11th, 2004|07:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  embarrassed | ] |
 Image source: NASA
Some months ago, Vaishnava News offered incontrovertible proof that a man-made bridge existed between India and Sri Lanka, and used this to claim that the the ancient Hindu epic Ramayana is a record of actual historical events.
In the Ramayana, the hero Rama built the bridge with able assistance from an army of monkeys to rescue his wife Sita from the demon king Ravana, who was the lord of Lanka in those days. The fable is not unique to India, however. The same story can be derived from other sources such as Thailand, Indonesia and (rather more recently) Ashok Banker.
I saw the India-end of the so-called bridge for myself when I visited Rameshwaram 20 years ago. So much for the 'recent discovery'! From the railway bridge that connected Mandapam and Dhanushkodi (there was no road link back then), it was possible to easily see boulders and other debris just under the water, especially when the tide was out. So people have known about this 'bridge' for many decades, if not for centuries.
( As for NASA... ) |
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| So... |
[Jan. 27th, 2004|06:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
I've outlived Jesus Christ. |
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| Goodbye, 2003 |
[Dec. 31st, 2003|03:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | |
| | Clickety-clack of Keyboards in F Minor | ] |
It's my last chance to post something this year, so here goes. (Of course, I can always backdate entries, but that's no fun.) Thanks, feluda, for enquiring about me. Internet access at work has been severely restricted lately, so I can no longer chat, upload files, or visit certain sites.
As for ringing in the New Year, I'm looking forward to leaving office early and getting home by 10, so that wifey and I can have dinner together and play a round or two of Scrabble. And this time I'll let her win. (In other words, I shan't cheat.)
New Year's resolutions? I promise to keep all the resolutions I made last year. If I can remember them, that is. I faintly recollect some key phrases were "eat breakfast", "more exercise" and "remember birthdays", but apart from that my mind's a blank. |
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| Going Green |
[Nov. 18th, 2003|05:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
Sheer laziness. It explains why I haven't updated in ages. Perhaps I should be less conscious of what readers will think, and post more self-indulgent stuff. (Ha — that shouldn't be too difficult!)
In the meantime, I thought I'd take the easy way out and post a few pictures of the new house. Correction: the apartment is still under renovation, so the pictures are taken from inside, looking out.
There's a surprising amount of greenery out there, together with a large resident population of birds. I've counted nearly 20 species so far — which is rather unusual in a concrete jungle like Bombay.
   
From left to right: the balcony, view from the bedroom window, one of the 18,056 pigeons in the neighbourhood that threaten to put the GDP of Nauru into jeopardy, and a stork that will soon be dinner if it strays any closer to the kitchen window. |
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| Bringing Out The Bubbly — Corporate Style |
[Oct. 27th, 2003|07:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | relieved | ] |
So the ET Awards For Corporate Excellence are finally over. It called for weeks of planning, rehearsing and rewriting (none of which I participated in with any degree of enthusiasm), but on D-Day it seemed like déjà vu all over again.
It wasn't very different from last year's show, or the year before last's. There were the same old suspects in the same old dark suits drinking the same old liquor and cracking the same old jokes. The only notable difference was the luminous presence of the luscious Katrina Kaif. If I weren't so disdainful of Bollywood, I might even have put her on my desktop.
The food was a major let-down though, because the Times Group has started espousing the noble cause of vegetarianism. There were 29 dishes from India's 29 states, with little maps alongside. Longi Butta from Himachal Pradesh and Bisi Bele Bhath from Karnataka seemed genuine enough, but Curd Rice from Kerala was stretching things a bit. In any case, it was a lot more convincing than Steamed Rice from Tripura, which gave one the impression that the chefs were running out of recipes. I half expected to see Jalebis from Jharkhand or Chappatis from Chhattisgarh.
The high point of the evening, however, was when the hostess called Adi Godrej to the stage and announced that we were going to be treated to a clip from Lord Of The Rings — and up popped a never-ending segment from The Matrix. Who said corporate events don't have their lighter moments? |
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| Aye, Robot |
[Oct. 14th, 2003|06:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  creative | ] |
"Harry, take a seat."
Harikrishnan Menon was not yet thirty, and insisted on everyone calling him Harry. The name suited the longhaired and lanky youth well...
To think I starred in a short story and didn't realise it!
( Cut to the chase... ) |
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| Birthday Blues |
[Oct. 1st, 2003|03:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
 
One Fine Evening At The Perfume Store
Me: I'd like to buy a perfume for the wife — it's her birthday.
Store girl: What kind did you have in mind sir?
Me: Well, something under [insert moderately obscene figure here]
Store girl: Oh, but you'll have much more to choose from if you'd only spend [insert grossly obscene figure here]
Me: What do you recommend?
Store girl: How about Calvin Klein's Contradiction?
Me: No thanks, let him resolve it himself.
Store girl: Pardon sir?
Me: Never mind. Do you have anything else?
Store girl: In the CK range?
Me: Eh?
Store girl: Calvin Klein
Me: Oh, yeah.
Store girl: There's Obsession, sir. One of CK's best-selling perfumes sir — it came out in 1985.
Me: And how much does it cost?
Store girl: [insert mildly obscene figure here]
Me: That's for a 20-year-old perfume? Must be fine vintage, eh?
Store girl: Yes, sir. It has essences of mandarin, bergamot and peach, and is blended with notes of citrus, jasmine and oakmoss. Very spicy.
Me: I'll say. It sounds great — I'll take one of those.
Store girl: Excellent choice, sir. Would you like something for yourself? CK's Truth will suit you...
Me: No, not right now. I won't be able to face the Consequences.
Store girl: That's all right sir. Have a good day sir.
Menon's Guide to Shopping For Perfumes
Look confident, especially if you're not.
Do not try to be funny. All your jokes will fall flat.
On no account must you remark that you prefer the smell of the coffee beans.
Make sure you're carrying your credit card.
The Same Fine Evening At The Book Store
Me: Do you have Man Maintenance by Jill Margo?
Store assistant: Sorry sir, we don't stock technical books.
Me: But this isn't technical. I think it's one of those Mars-Venus things.
Store assistant: Astronomy? Aisle six, sir... the science section.
I give up. The wife will have to settle for CK's Obsession and Derek O'Brien's Mumbai Factfile. |
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