The Incredulous Hulk (quizling) wrote,
The Incredulous Hulk
quizling

  • Mood:

Hitting the spot

"Luckily the asha dulls Pran's senses. The experience is still painful, like having a fallen log hammered up one's backside with a mallet, but at least it seems to be happening at one remove, the pain-messages arriving at his brain like holiday postcards; brief, belated, and mercifully unenlightening about the sender's real feelings. His head has been pushed down into the dusty black bedclothes, so he cannot see the purple face of the man toiling behind him. He is aware, however, that the pounding is punctuated by a rhythm of buttock-slaps and regular full-throated hunting cries. As the major's excitement mounts, 'Tally-ho!' gives way to 'On! On! On!', and the bed groans with the effort of maintaining its structural integrity."

That's an extract from the much-lauded The Impressionist by Hari Kunzru. For his efforts, Kunzru was recently shortlisted for the Literary Review Bad Sex in Fiction Prize, awarded annually to a serious novel featuring the most "inept, embarrassing and unnecessary" sex scenes.

Okay, so that's nothing compared to the following desi fantasy that was posted on some eminently forgettable site:

"She was necked. This was the first time I was seeing a lady necked. She asked me did I have an experience I said I just some XXX movies. She started rubbing my deck and started open my paint and said remove my cloth's. I unchecked her blows and started rubbing her boom's."

I wonder if it was Microsoft SpellCheck™ or a helpful copy editor that was responsible for the final, well, output.

It looks as if there's a huge market for bad sex out there. Why waste my time editing business copy when I can try to make it to the shortlist for LRBSFP 2003?

On! On! On!
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